Tag Archives: Autistic

When the stimming stops. Aka does he have the plague?

“Hi I’m Pip I’m the on-call paedatrician tonight, what’s up with this young man”

“he’s sick”

“I understand he’s autistic what’s telling you he’s not well”

“he’s not stimming and he’s not screaming”

Image

Aka holy hell lady I think this kid is dying!

48 hours and the great autistic one was quite, still, asleep, not screaming, not stimming, not headbutting.

So by now we’re panicking and thus we become intimately familiar with the emergency department at 4am. And to answer your question, no, we don’t get seen quicker because ultimate dadda works there.

Bugger!

So the little dude has tonsillitis, – we think. After donning the bear attack suit Pip the pedatrician managed to lever open the jaws of death long enough to glimpse “big angry red” tonsils.  

So we’re getting antibiotics into him, and pain meds, lots and lots of pain meds, but that’s about it next to no fluids and no food for 4 days so he’s lost what little weight we’d put on him, but that’s ok. And in the mean time he remains a pathetic, whinging, whimpering ball of autistic misery. At some point the bad mumma in me battles her way to the surface and bellows out “oh shut up and harden up”

bad mumma is ignored.

And he continues to act as though his last day on earth was yesterday

And we remain tired, very very tired.


I appear to have pleased the old ones. Yay me

As an atheist and a smartarse it would be hypocritical to say the Gods love me these days so I’ll stick with Lovecraftian mythos and say the old ones like me. 

Cthulhu friend?

Or at least they have no desire to devour me, or maybe they think autism sucks. I know this cause at present I am 1) not dead and B) enjoying some very copacetic moments in life. 

We are at present trying to get control of The Great Autistic Ones need to headbutt everything all the time. And we have finally been able to access the food therapy group so sensory issues is our current flavour of the month.

I give you the following examples. 

It was suggested we try G.A.O. in a waterbed to help his sleeping. Ok great so we start searching of teh interwebs not liking our chances The universe delivers the only single waterbed in the country listed on our auction site just 5 mins up the road from us at the exact time I have a bumper week at work and have an extra $350 in the pay packet. What does the bed cost us? $315. And it has padded bits. yay. Go team Autism!!!

 

Next it’s suggested we try find some light up gadgets to see if they help settle him. Not only do I find an excess of cheap fibre optic lamps, plug in disco balls, huge lava lamps, but when cleaning out mumbleteen funky nest of a bedroom, we discovered he forgot to tell us he returned home 3 months ago from a trip to his Uncles house with little dude all time favorite light and music toy. 

This is the best toy ever, every autistic home should have one.

It even still had working batteries!!

And just today not 3 days after it was suggested we try a white noise machine but the first time I go looking for one I found the only one listed on our auction website.

Thanks Old Ones I don’t know why I have appeased you but I shall continue to do so.

Or maybe it’s that retroactive karma finally kicking in after all these years. I am suspicious and paranoid so I am waiting for that head shot from a flying farm animal or being struck by lighting take down that life likes to offer when we start feeling smug but until then I’ll keep being a cheap arse and pining my hopes on Cthulhu.

Peace  


I ain’t dead……….yet

Been a while, a long while actually. there is a reason and some day soon I may even share it but in the mean time life carries on. Autism is still our faithful friend. The great autistic one is now 8 and 1/2 and still basically the same. We brought our first car some almost 4 months ago and we’ve racked the the mileage or as we don’t say in this country the kilometerage driving here, there and every freakin where.

For reason I choose not to divulge yet we had to take a long trip recently. Now where I live in little bitty ole N.Z. we are a 2 island nation. And by that I mean while yes there are other islands dotted around the place they appear to be inhabited by strange people with not enough teeth and a unhealthy interest in hemp clothing and the native wildlife so “we” like to pretend there are only 2 islands. As we’re such creative folk here we have really stretched the ole noggins and called them the North Island and the…………….wait for it………………….South Island. Pretty impressive huh.

SOOOOOOOOO anyway a couple of months ago we had to travel from North Island(where we live) to South Island(where we used to live). We drove I don’t know why, I guess we’re just sadists like that. Anyway it’s a reasonably decent drive it takes about 12 hours in total and 3 and a half of them are on a boat.

yep a boat. Autism on a boat. It was ………….interesting. Flapping on a boat takes a skill set little dude sorted in fairly rapid fashion

The Cook straight is reported to be one of the rougher ferry crossing in the world. Now I can’t say for certain if that the case and don’t see the need to test the theroy.

The trip was great bouncy in an up and down rough water kinda way. Flapping while spinning while boat is rocking, little dude spun right into the boat wall??? Anyway is was metal there was an impressive boing!! ANd he just shook himself and carried on spinning.

Ultimate dadda and I found our selves saying such gems as “no, no licking the boat” yummmmmmmmmm salty goodness. “no no looking under the doors” we had the good sense to hire a privet cabin for the journey and little dude discovered there were gaps under all the doors. “no,we don’t sniff  him” in the car deck little dude took a fancy to the dock worker that was directing passengers to their cars.

While we were away we stayed with little dudes grandparents that haven’t really seen him in years. They were impressed. And awesome.

The reason we were away wasn’t pleasant but the actual travelling made it better.

One day we might even do it again for the right reasons.

Peace.


Rules of engagement.

How can I understand the rules if I don’t know the game he’s playing.

You hear all the time about autistic kids and how they are “resistant to change” and they like “order and routine”. Here’s how that translates in real life.

#1 When out and about in town staff must go to shops in order. There can be no deviation in the order. Any changes must be approved by management first. (Management will not approve)

#2 Upon entering the mall staff must proceed immediately to the food court for chips. 

#3 When entering any store on the approved list staff are not permitted to browse in any section other than the preschool toy isle.

#4 Sandals and shoes must be removed while sitting on the doorstep. NOT the front step. NOT the hallway. NOT the lawn. NOT the porch. The DOORSTEP ONLY.

#5 Do not presume management will be liable for any messes incurred herein and forthwith. Staff must not approach about any mess inquiries. Up to and including those of a “downstairs” nature.

#6 Staff are not permitted to eat any non-prohibited food without first offering a tithe to management  If this results in the loss of the entire slice of cake, sandwich, glass of orange juice etc etc management will not be open to negotiation.

#7 The order is pajamas  THEN a lap of the hallway, THEN teeth, THEN a lap of the hallway, THEN goodnight to mumma. Know the order, live the order or else….

#8 It is NOT permissible to enter the supermarket without a plan of purchase that includes either a cookie OR an ice cream, Both is preferred. 

#9 Management can not be expected to operate any previous set routines without prior and express directions from staff at all times, including but not limited to opening doors, turning up the iPad, removing socks, touching books and restarting dvds.

*sigh* “resistant to change”

peace

 


In defense of the casual ‘F-bomb”

It needs to be said here and now that this post contains the word fuck a lot. Just warning ya early in case y’all are easily offended. So brace yourselves now.

Little dude has a new word to add to his vocabulary.

Yup FUCK

He’s very good at pronouncing it. He can use it in context, appropriately and it is one of his high frequency words.

I’m very proud. In fact you could say………

As a matter of fcuk little dude just wandered into the lounge happy as  clam skipping and swinging his arms “ohhhhh fuck ohhhh fuck” goes his little happy song.

The other day we were at the library and we were waiting to check out our books. Mumma is talking all about the librarian behind the desk and how she helps people to find books. Little dude slipped off the stair he was standing on and let rip”aww fuck” and I just keep chatting away not missing a beat.

And we’re sitting on the new couches having a chat and from the bedroom ….. ‘thar he blows’  “fuck fuck duck quack” We pause, there’s an eyebrow twitch and…..”duck quack quack yeeeeeeeeeeee fuck”

Having a wee stim making a happy ooooooooooooooooh noise “fuckfuck”

He banged his elbow walking through his bedroom door “ow fuck”

So we can tell from our reactions or lack there of that Ultimate Dadda and I are fairly casual speaking lads and lasses. We’re the first to call a spade a bloody great digger. We draw the line at the kids using fuck, and we never utter the “c” word except in moments of extreme and provocation and punctuation  The mumbleteen gets fairly free use of damn, bugger, ass, shit but his favourite is reserved for “oh hell no!” circa Gabriel Iglesias The lass is allowed ‘dumbass’ So we’re liberal permissives with boundaries.

But the little dude is leaving us all in his fucking dust. So to speak.

And what are we doing about it? Not a fucking thing. But let me tell you why…….

Given that although he’s 8 with his lack of verbal skills and other such autism awesomness he is a perpetual 18month old so it is with all “toddlers” tell him not to do something and sure as shooting it’ll become his new favourite past time. react and it will give him sometging to feed off. Tell him no and he’s going to bellow it in all his glory.

Besides he’s a human, a person and he has rights. So surely on of his rights should be to swear. I’m down with that. As long as he’s not spelling it, or typing it into google I can always edit the fuck out of his schooling videos right?

Seriously though I worry anything I try to negate his awesome grasp of the word is just going to aggrevate the situation, so I’m hoping that like most of his words he’ll drop it soon enough through lack of reaction and we’ll move on until then it’s best to .

I have no idea.

Fucking peace yeah?


Who Are You??? Who am I???

In a previous non autism post here  I allowed those that read this a glimpse into our non autistic lives. But  I was quite clever and tricksy and didn’t give much away about myself…………<cue dramatic music>……that is until now.

I had a better than average day today and I thought why not give the people a glimpse of their hero. So for the interested here is a snapshot of

A Day In The Life of The Modern Stay At Home Mother to The Great Autistic One

It started quite The great autistic one woke up well for a change, mumbleteen had a day off school because it was athlectics at school and he’s not interested. Ultimate Dadda came home at his usual 8:30 reporting a busy but not unplesant night at work. I got the lawnmower cranking fairly early cause the day was due to be stinking hot. I needed to tinker a bit so I got to get greasy which I quite enjoy. I mow the lawns round here, ultimate dadda and son are violently allergic and mumbleteen has the attention span of a spaniel puppy on crack.  After the mandatory shower before human contact like some plague bearer T.G.A.O had a meltdown because I left the app store icon on the iPad before handing it over and had to delete it in front of him. SO an hour later once he’d finally stopped alarming the neighbours I got to kick ultimate dadda into bed and squeeze in a tiny bit of teaching T.G.A.O. He does correspondence at home and I love it.

Then there was some me time. Yay! I like me time so I sat down with my cross stitching and watched Coriolanus on the laptop. Excellent movie by the way you should check it out. Try this link. After some serious me time interrupted by mumbleteen a few times. It was afternoon. So some housework, some stalking of the chickens and another lovely fresh eggie from the mother and it was baking time. A lovely sticky gingerbread yum yum and there erupted T.G.A.O with some drama.

Ultimate dadda now awake as a result of Mt. Autism erupting in the next room….again. And now it evening time. So tag team parenting comes into play and I get to make mayonnaise with home grown eggs for the first time ever. Dinner for dadda and I a rousing game of chase the chickens round and round in circles to get them in their coop and then give up in disgust and now it’s time for the strict bedtime nightmare, war, drama, seige routine, kick Ultimate dadda back to bed for another couple of hours before work and chillaxing with some serious geek time and stitching…..

There ya have it a fairly good day for the Tinks aka me aka mumma aka crazedkiwimum.

What’s that? You’d like some photos? Ok sure have some photos.

This is what school work looks like round here

This is what school work looks like round here. Read part of why we choose to educate at home here. and here

Previous stitching for a current project. The charatchers are from a beloved set of New Zealand childrens books adored by the great autistic one. Read all about Hairy Maclary

Previous stitching for a current project. The characters are from a beloved set of New Zealand children’s books adored by the great autistic one. Read all about Hairy Maclary or watch and listen to it being read by a New Zealand accent 

Our girls. Mother Jayne and her 4 daughters Inara, Zoe, River and Kaylee. Some of you more awesome folk will recognize the tribute to the GREATEST TV PROGRAM EVER CREATED

Our girls. Mother Jayne and her 4 daughters Inara, Zoe, River and Kaylee. Some of you more awesome folk will recognize the tribute to the GREATEST TV PROGRAM EVER CREATED


Resistance is futile

So the great autistic one has been attending a special needs gym class for the past 6 months. Every Monday afternoon during school terms(10 weeks in a row 2 weeks off 6 weeks off for summer holidays at Christmas time) we trooped off to our local gym and had a blast!

It has been funded by local community groups and there was no cost to parents.

There seemed to be a variety of kids attending aged from 5 through to 15??? maybe and about a dozen kids. And at first glance they appear  to have different issues but as we well know(NOW) is apparently is not polite to come up to some one and say “what’s your kids problem ?”

Today we showed up for his first session of the term and we’re handed a notice informing us that The Autism Gym class is now funded by Autism NZ and if we want to continue enjoying gym we must become members of Autism NZ and it’s only for children aged up to 11. – REALLY????

<insert large amount of expletives here>

First of all at what point did his special needs gym session become an ‘autism only’ gym session???? Did we miss a memo? And it’s funny how last year when the old volunteer was running it her 15/16? year old son was the oldest kid there and now there is a very different age limit????  I smell something and it ain’t wonderboys’ pull up

Secondly WHUT???? In order to continue using a service that has suddenly become exclusive we have to become members of the club.

It’s not the money mind, they want I think $30 a year, a small pitence. No no it’s the utter gall of forcing us to join an organization that we are not interested in in the slightest just to get benefit from something that had nothing to do with them until this week.

Bloody horrid shock to us. We looked into Autism NZ when we first got diagnosed 6 1/2 years ago and again when we move from one part of the country to the other 4 1/2 years ago.

Unimpressed was the general sentiment. We were offered a place in a class that as far as we could understand was geared to “how to love your child even though he/she is autistic” Both times there was considerable confusion and dismay from those that offered when we explain that it was completely unnecessary  unwarranted and some what offensive that they assumed we needed help loving our child.

We inquired as too what else the organisation could do for us. The response was some vague mumbling about seminars and guest speakers and an enthusiastic invitation to use their “extensive” library. And to once again point us in the direction of their “early bird(how to love your child) class”

We were put in touch with  woman that supposedly wanted to set up New Zealand’s first autism assistance dog training program. We met with her and her “very high functioning” teenage son. Over the course of 2 weeks worth of dialogue the conversations went from the woman having this “specially hand picked” young Labrador pup which she would train with input from us over the space of several months and then hand over with training from her to it was a “half-breed-pit-bull-cross-and-if-we-wanted-an- advice-we-could-always-drop-her-a-line-it’s-almost-housebroken-how-long-till-you-can-take-it-off-my-hands?” And this women was seeking endorsement from Autism NZ and receiving special notice in the newsletters for her “incredible contributions”.

WHUT????

Recent scanning of the online website has yet to revel to me any thing tangible that the organisation offers. Again vague mention of “seminars and visiting experts in the field  Some “what is autism” for dummies posters links to pages to download information about their 3 courses offered!!!!(you must be a member to see the downloads) a link to an online “am I autistic test”-by the way I took the test. I’m not autistic I just hate people. And reminders on several pages that it’s $30 a year for a family to join.

I almost want to take the “is it a cult test?” but I’m afraid of the answer.

We were handed the form to enroll with the group today at the end of gym “Please note all family members and what their diagnosis is – classic/aspergers/pdd/other”

WHUT???

Hell I won’t answer the government census questions and I have to by law and you wanna know each and evey family member and what their problem is” I always knew autistic folk had poor social skills. I didn’t realize it was an entrance requirement to the club.

Apparently calling yourself an asshole just doesn’t cut it anymore.

The Great Autistic One starts swimming this week. No entrance requirements beyond the $1.50 pool fee. And I’m pretty sure the lifeguards aren’t cult members. The penguin mascot I’m not too sure about though.

Peace!