We are entering a new phase in life here on Planet Autism with the Great Autistic One, aka Boo.
We’ve being going through hell for weeks with massive behavioural changes. Our little dude has been angry, violent, and distant. His days were filled with rages so violent he would hurt himself several times a day smashing his head into doors and walls and us and himself. He had daily autism meltdowns. Those “tantrums” that came from nowhere and lasted for hours, hurting himself, hurting us, screaming, growling, thrashing, squealing. He wouldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. He’d wake in the middle of the night and scream for food or drinks or attention or boredom. And they were terrifying blood curdling screams of total agony. They kept the whole house awake, his brother and sister were tired and frightened. I was on my own for most of it as Ultimate Dadda had to work, but even then we had a couple of nights when dadda couldn’t go to work because the rages were too bad.
We’d been dealing for weeks and weeks. Trying so hard to reach him. Or keep him safe, but we just couldn’t.
So we pressed his paediatrician hard for an appointment and just 2 days ago we met with and talked about medicating.
We always knew meds were an option with our guy because he is so low functioning and so severe with his autism but we always held off. Simply because he didn’t need to be drugged. We have previously felt it was simply unnecessary. I had done my reading as any good parent should and decided that his meltdowns and anger didn’t warrant the possible side effects of any proposed “drug regime”.
So Friday as we’re sitting in “Dr Willy’s” office and I look over and my son as he’s arching his whole body and it’s completely rigid and his sweet wee face is covered in bruises from where he’s hit his face into the tiles in our bathroom and he’s clawing at his daddas arms trying to free himself to hit his head against the floor and I knew enough was enough.
So the great autistic one now takes a single .25ml dose of Risperidone once a day.
And the change has been astronomical. It’s only been 48 hours but they have been quite and peaceful and calm. The whole household has been able to sleep for several hours, last night the little dude even put himself to bed!
We’ve had no meltdowns, no rages, no screaming for hours. No hurting himself, no hurting us.
The road to risperidone is the hardest longest cruellest journey I’ve ever made since Boo came into my life. But I have learnt since my time here of Planet Autism and what I now know is there is no disabled community that I have ever heard of the fights itself more than those of us living under the spectrum.
WE are our own worst emeny, fighting each other, accusing, blaming, hating, dismissing, condemning We all think we have the perfect answer, pro vaccinations, anti vaccinations, pro gf/cf anti gf cf, for meds, ABA, SLT, mainstreaming, cognitive, or anti everything.
It’s all bullshit and self destructive and it forgets ours kids.
Too long I paid attention, too long I distrusted myself and trusted in ‘the experts’, the “warrior moms”, the self invested.
I don’t care what causes autism, I don’t care what might cause autism. I care what will make my family work.
And what is working right now is chemicals. A potentially powerful anti-psychotic drug given in a minuscule dose. My son hates it! It tastes foul and I must force him to have it. I have to hold him down and squirt it into his mouth. It has side effects, and they don’t scare me. And I have no doubts at all that I am doing the very best for him.
We as parents and family and friends to autistic people need to read less and trust ourselves. We need to stop fighting, stop blaming, stop arguing, stop looking for answers that aren’t there and we need to start accepting. This. This is our lives and this is the lives of our children and we must, WE HAVE TOO find our peace in that and find what works for us and our children.