So anyway I think the cats autistic. Great, now it’s contagious. If the dog gets it we’re all screwed. An animal the size of a small pony with the iq of dryer lint obsessively chasing it’s tail and pacing. Yeah awesome. And with those face wrinkles I’d hate to see it flap.
But I digress. I do that a lot you know. Digressing, I digress to avoid reality. I think I owe it some money for a drink it shouted me in 1998
So the cat is autistic. How can I tell?
I made the cat a nice warm cozy bed by the heater the other night when there was a storm.
But last week when the cat checked there was a people in the house. No-one told him there was a people and it MOVED! holy crap it moved it moved it moved, so the cat decided it was better to be outside asleep on the shoes in the rack than where the moving people thing was.
Then the moving people thing left, but then there was a new rug on the floor, so he couldn’t come in because there was a rug, yeah a rug, there was a rug on the floor, yeah the floor. It was a rug, it was a new rug there was a new rug on the floor.
I forgot to do a social story about the new rug on the floor, so now the cat can’t come inside because there is a new rug on the floor and he might have to touch it and I think that thats the cat version of trying to feed a banana to the kid.
I think the cat is autistic for many reasons, he never comes in the front door or the side or back doors, he can only come in the house via the ranch slider. I think it’s because the front door it actually a interplantery space portal that will beam him to the planet Melmac. (yeah I said it!). Either that or it’s the back door into Mordor. Either way all doors are evil except the ones that aren’t. I don’t know why.
Only 3 types of cat food are permitted, cat food must be served in a dish separate to the water dish. The food dish and the water cannot touch each other. If the dishes do touch all food and water is contaminated and the cat will now proceed to starve. THIS VERY SECOND!
The cat also does not play with anything. You can dangle strings,roll marbles, and flicker little lights at it and the cat will just give you the 2 mile stare of doom.
He has no friends. This however could also be attributed to the fact that he has no balls either. Both figuratively and literally I mean come on, he scared of a freakin rug!
He lines all his headless feetless presents of death in a little row.
He pretty much ignores us and refuses to acknowledge our existence unless he needs something with opposable thumbs to do his bidding for him, at which point he showers us with affection via headbutts and biting
As I write this I have come to the sudden realization that the cat is not in fact autistic. And so therefore hasn’t caught it off me and the kid
He is in fact an asshole.
SOOOOO what does that say about me and the kid then?